Loosing My Senses

A young lady walks into a DMV ready to renew her licensebefore it expires for her 31^st birthday.  She has a cute little bun in her hair, glossy lips,  appliedbronzer, and accessorized to a “T”.  She's humming whatever song was last played on the radio; with documents in hand. She’s a littleconcerned but not to the point where she stops practicing her smiles in hercompact mirror case.  She smiles then thinks,smiles then thinks again, and then she bows her head to pray, “Dear Lord,please allow me to get my driver’s license today…please let me get my dri…avoice over the intercom interrupts “Ticket Number 201, please approach windownumber 8.”  The young lady continues to finishher prayer “This we ask in Jesus name A-men...Thanks God your awesome too,” andsmiles really big as she looks above” Ding! “Ticket number 201 please approach window 8.”  She gathers her things and approaches thecounter with all smiles, “Hi how you doing?” A woman with big brown frames on her face, a Christmasy cat  sweater, and Texas big blonde hair responds “I’m good; I see youwill like to renew your license.  Would youalso like to update your voter’s registration card and address?”  “Yes ma’am I would,” the young lady replies.  The woman takes all the documents, and pleasantly surprised she has such a chippery person at her station.  She confirms the lady's weight and height, and thelady agrees…even though she may be lying just a tad a bit, but that never hurt anyone.

The woman tips her glasses down to the tip of her nose andlooks sternly at the young lady, “Are you ready for your vision’s test?” Theyoung lady replies with some nervousness, but tries to be as confident aspossible…”Um sure…yeah….yeah I’m ready.” “Great then please place your head against the screen.  Now immediately, the young lady is grossedout because as she looks at her fellow neighbors doing as told, she noticesthat they do not sanitize these 1970 edition gadgets for the next person’suse.  “Ummmm, do you have any Lysol?”,the lady asked.  With annoyance writtenall over her face, the woman replies simply “No.”  The lady recognizes the facial expression, and before causing anymore frustration she gently places her forehead and prepares herself.

“Okay Ma’am, please confirm which sides do you see theblinking lights on.”  The lady respondsquickly and boldly, “Both.” “Good Job Ma’am, now please read line number 5.”  The lady tries to adjust herself, and repeatsthe statement in a form of a question…”you want me to read line number 5?”  “Yes, Ma’am I want you to read line numberfive, please.” “Okay…Okay…line number 5…ummmm.” While constantly adjustingherself she begins to read the letters aloud, “D O V M S.”  The lady glanced upward awaiting affirmationfrom the woman, and realizes she is wrong without the women even speaking. “Ma’amI need you to read line number 5,” the woman replies. The lady is now adjustingher scarf and fidgeting even more “Okay…ummmmm…line number five…where is it?” Thewoman gasps for air and exhales blowing her bang off her face, “Let's try this,read line number 4.”  The girl immediatelystarts to smile again, and regains her confidence, “yeah I can totally readthat line, V O…the woman interrupts.  “That’snot an O Ma’am.”  “Oh, ummmm…D….she looksup and see’s the woman shaking her head…oh my bad C.”  Yes Ma’am that’s correct, next letterplease.  N T Z D W”…the woman interruptsagain…that’s not a W Ma’am.”  Oh,…thelady replies…is it an N?”  “No Ma’am”…”Okayis it an M”…”Ma’am it’s a V.”  “Ohhhhhhhh,the lady now in her duh mode, now I see it…it is a V.”

Before the young lady continues to waste more time the womaninterrupts, Ma’am do you wear contacts?” The young lady helplessly shakes herhead side to side, “No Ma’am…I do not.”  Theyoung lady goes back to putting her face on the gadget and immediately stops when she hears the women's voice…”Wellwhat about glasses?” the woman states. The lady responds with her shoulders in her chin and shamefully shakesher head no.  Again blowing her bangs offher face, the woman states, “Please read line number 5 again.”  The young lady struggles through the entireprocess and get’s 4 out of 15 wrong. The woman now shaking her head with her mouth wide open, “You did notpass your vision’s test.”    The lady nowrealizing how this might be a problem is quietly standing awaiting averdict.  The woman leaves her, at thecounter, and heads to the printer to obtain more documents.  Nervously the young lady breaks the silence, “Does this mean I can’t renew my license?” Hesitantly, the woman responds with a lot of concern.  “Yes, you get your license, butpleassseeeeeee promise you will get your eyes check as soon as possible.”  The young lady nods her head dramatically inagreement and continues to proceed with her John Hancock.

Needless to say I took a great picture, and  scheduled my doctors’ appointment forMonday, January 27^th.  Ialways thought my reason for almost hitting people was because pedestrians arenot looking both ways before crossing the street, or the reason why I’m lost isnot because I can’t see the street signs, but because I have no sense ofdirection.  But Ms. Debra at the DMV has definitelytaught me otherwise. People would think that the City of Chicago is really justsuper money hungry because obviously I’m an easy target for ticket fines, getcaught up on my previous blog Excuse Me Mr. West.   TomorrowI’ll be entering my “Flirty Thirties”, and I’m down to four good senses…it’s been scientifically proven that I have good hearing, ifI don’t hear you it’s because I’m tuning you out on purpose lol…just kidding.

Until next time…stay tuned.

Encore Love Jones Encore!

So remember my previous blog, I Got A Love Jones…Not, all about my experience on seeing one of my all time favorite movies turned into a stage play.  Well unfortunately, I didn't see it then, but needless to say I saw it on Saturday, and absolutely loved it.  The play was great because it just reenacted this roller coaster ride called love.  What’s even weirder about it is that I hate roller coasters, but love the idea of being in love.  I think my girl Rihanna said it best I’m drunk on it.  Wow…I see myself really opening up to you guys...I might need to rethink this lol.

"Gone With the Wind Fablous" Anyway, I liked how it related to the current times by adding social media.  It’s not like the movie is Gone With the Wind old, but it did come out in 1997, and so much has changed since then. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc.,  have their share of drama in people's love life.  They just add another loop or 100 foot drop to the roller coaster.   You know back in my day…lol I had to laugh at that…gossip was the destroyer of the relationship, and it might have only stayed within the group of possibly 10 to 15 people.  But with the help of FB that all changed…now you can simply Google a couple and there will be some type of link directed to a social media page. It’s like living in a small town with a population of a million.

Just scream all the way down Anyway, I've been in love...some good, complicated, or I just want, notice present tense now; to jump out of plane without a parachute.  Again remember, I’m a little bit over the top these are feelings not reality...somewhat.  I never give up on it though, because I think I deserve it just like the next.  Some might think that I’m living in a fantasy world because I think my love life should be like a movie.  I don’t mean Menace II Society love either…which I think is crazy because some people actually relate to that type of love and respect that more than the Notebook or Ghost.  Duuuuhhhhhh why wouldn't I want to believe that I will be a happy widow seeing my husband coming back to life through a body of Whoopi.  I understand that all relationships should have ups and downs so it can be appreciated more.  But I don’t believe your downs should be the highlight….is that crazy to think that way…hmmm…I ponder. One of my favorite scenes

In the play they mentioned this saying “YOLO” You Only Live Once....which now I believe I'm quoting Drake...smh.  Obviously in my second life I’m coming back as tree only loving summer and spring seasons, but until that happens this is the only life I’m concerned about right now.  So I’m going to continue letting love knock on my door, and letting it in.  If it works… it works, but if it doesn't  it won’t stop me from living…FACT.  I’m happy I had the chance to see the stage play of Love Jones and shout out to Margaret Mahdi and The Mahdi Theater Company for putting together an awesome show.  It’s nice to see that other people are drunk on this thing called LOVE too

Until next time...stay tuned.

  

Rock Steady...Woo!!

Another year is here…I cheered at the countdown, drunk the champagne, and danced the night away while watching people wear weird hats on their heads.  It's the Year of the Snake...don't freak out.   I think of it like the Aretha Franklin song, "Rock Steady," a year of moving forward at a steady progress and attention to details. 

As for me, it's another year to make the resolutions that I try so hard to keep, but soon get weary of them because they’re sooooooo typical.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I strive just like the next to stay healthy (mainly loose the Christmas weight added on last year and the year before that), save money, find Jesus, and love blah blah blah. They happen but just like my weight they fluctuate.  So instead of striving to do things that the norm is doing, I’m just going to do what I want to do.  I mean this is always been the case for the most part, but now without time restraints.  I'm just going to move my hips from left to right...what it is what it is what it is...rock steady baby.

So here we go!

1.  Prepare myself for Spain…ya’ll know I got Spaniard in my family lol.   I don't know eactly when I'm going, but I'm going to make it there.   I will purchase Rosetta Stone this year to become fluent in the Spanish language.  So instead of bumping Trinidad James “All Gold Everything” in my ears at work…I will annoy my fellow co-workers by repeating Dónde está el baño?…just in case you didn't know “Where is the bathroom?”  

The above picture is Trinidad James...i know..."Popping Mollys I'm sweating...Woo!"  Has anyone else noticed how big his nipples are...I know it's hard to focus on that.

"Ole!" Okay I promise I know at least four more words

         2.  Take dance lessons.  Okay don’t get me wrong as much as Dance Dance Party Party is letting me let loose, get caught up on my last blog Please Don’t Stop the Music;  I need to upgrade my booty shaking Janet Jackson shoulder shrug to more of an dance of art.  Maybe the tango or the samba…or whatever special they have on Groupon.

Okay the body is not quite there, but more feathers can handle that problem...thank youuuuuu Michael's.

Knowing me I will be more interested in doing this because of my fashionable stockings.

    3. Become fluent in Spanish, but curse in French.  Please don’t get me wrong I have tried to stop cursing for years, and it just doesn't  seem to work.  It’s terrible, I sound like I’m on an episode of Mob Wives.  Yes, I’m a PK, Hallelujah Saints! But as I tell my mother I walk along side of his footsteps not in them.  It will definitely sound sexier though if I can bring out my Lady Marmalade, without being so vulgar.

Voo doo de da  something something shin swah shin swah ...okay I don't know the words but what else is new.

4.  Finish my jewelery box.  Okay in March, of last year, I was on this whole DIY kick.  I went to Home Depot, bought paint, filing boards, and had a man measure and cut board up for me.   All this because I saw a magazine on how to create cute accessory boxes from things you already have at home.  Well I didn't have the bamboo trays at home, and I surely wasn't going to pay $20.00 for them.   Needless to say, the so called jewelery box is on my back porch in pieces, and I got an organizer from Target.

It took to long for the paint to dry...I think that's what lost me.

     5.  Take tons of pictures…develop them…and put them in photo albums...real physical albums, not digital.  As much as I love InstaGram and FaceBook, I'm bringing Polaroids back son...In my best NY swagger voice.  I want to be the ancestor who has the 100 year old picture that has to be refurbished in order to pass from generation to generation...you know with the huge gold bronze frame.  I think it will be a better feeling than the internet passing you along through Tags.

Okay this pic was take in 2003, but it's definetly a throwback.

     6.  Finish the book Eat Pray Love….I love the movie…seen it multiple times, but just picked up the book last week.   I have 50 weeks to finish it.  I'm sure there is some local BYOB that will allow me to Eat, Drink Read...hmmmm....possibly a new title.  I will stay committed to my goal to switch to red instead of white, follow up on my previous blog Show Me What Your Working With.  Hopefully, my so called ADHD will be tamed for the moment.  Now I have to finish it so I can have something to blog about.

Since I saw the movie I can totally put faces with name.

       7.   Finally hydration. I have come to the conclusion that this “might” be the way I die if I don’t do more of it.   I do not like the taste of water...I know I know it doest have a taste,,,,that's the problem. And it’s not what you think, I don’t drink pop or juice, it's a waste of money because my family will drink it in one day...what do you expect I have 14 year old.  I’m literally just dehydrated.  Put it like this, while women chill out in the sauna and sweat their pounds away, I sit in there and come out with third degree burns...okay sometimes I exaggerate, but I'm defintely sun burned.  It’s getting ridiculous.  I don’t like the taste of it, but the chore of going to the restroom three times in an hour is even more exhausting.

  

See just looking at this is making me have to go...

     Well hopefully this list is not too strenuous and overwhelming. Rosetta Stone alone isn't cheap; I might just have to consider speaking Spanish to Louis at work, instead.  Most of all I'm going to really enjoy blogging about this year.  I really appreciate everybody reading Tune In Mi Head, and I hope your 2013 is prosperous too.

Until next time…stay tuned

PLEASE DON’T STOP THE MUSIC

OMG! OMG! OMG!  I just started 2013 off so right.  Two years ago I found this spot, all thanks to YELP and GOOGLE, called Dance Dance Party Party (DDPP)!  I know…what is this you ask? It’s a God sent. ..surely for me.  Ever since I was a little girl I mean I knew every single dance to every dance movie there was.  Dirty Dancing, What’s Love Got To Do With It, and my all time favorite the Josephine Baker Story…that’s only to name a few.  Do not get it twisted…I know what you're thinking.  Josephine Baker?  Why?  Before Mini Me 1 & 2 showed up on my chest, I would have put my Chiquita banana skirt on and danced across a stage in front of millions too...if I had one.  Unfortunately, now the Ta-Tas are not the same and I’m more fearful of losing an eye if I let these bad babies out.

Anyway back to my story… I finally decided to try this place out for the first time.  Dance Dance Party Party is where you can just let loose and dance anyway the music takes you.  No worries of people judging you and looking at you weird.  There’s no guys, apologize gentlemen; no booze…just you and the music…and of course whoever else is in the class, but believe me they are not paying you any mind because they are too busy getting their boogie on too.  Since I’m on this whole getting fit kick, get updated from the last blog Show Me What You Working With, I had to find a fun way to shed these pounds without getting bored.  DDPP showed me the light.  It was like God heard my prayers and the heavens opened…angels singing in harmony...Awwwwwwwww.

From high school to college, I was always the friend, surely if I paid money to get into a party; who will be on the dance floor from the time I got there to the time I was about to leave.  I didn't care if I was dancing with somebody or by myself.  You better know if it was my jam, oh I was on the floor.  I didn't even need to be inebriated…shoot bump a bar. When I was younger dancing to Miss Jackson was my first love.  “If” and “Pleasure Principles were my jams.  I’m a little bit of a narcissist  why wouldn't I enjoy dancing in mirrors all  day.  Then Jennifer Lopez came out with that song "Get Right", I use to put my son on the bus, and rush home to catch the video in the morning.  I will have my heels and shorts on dancing with the kitchen broom.  I mean I was working it…better believe it…it was just that serious.

As I get older, containing myself is even harder.  I've gotten to the point where I don’t care what people think of me.  I'm my daddies' child, and love the fact that I will know when I hear a U2, Blondie beat, or the guy who sings “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night,” on the music box at the local grocery store.  I will literally break out in a full pirouette in aisle 5, with jazz hands.   I don’t care if I’m on the Southside, Westside, or Northside of Chicago, or Alton, STL or ATL…if you get the point.  I will do it, maybe not so perfect, and sometimes in song.  Now my son is totally embarrassed at this and usually walks off and disowns me, but sometimes I get an audience.  The mother pushing her baby in the cart or the stock boys usually sing along with me.  Regardless I’m in the moment, feeling it, with long hair, and don’t care. 

Just in case you didn't know them...

U2..."With Or Without You"

The Guy who sings " I Wear My Sunglasses" lol...I don't know his name but I love the song...it's on the album cover.

Blondie "Call Me"

I went and bought my first pair of leg warmers to go with my leggings, cut off sweater, and 4 inch heels.  I know what you're thinking HEELS?  Yes, I said heels; good for them calf muscles…shoot Tina Turner didn’t get them legs by walking around in flats, Boo.  

From 4 to 5 pm on the dot… I was in a room with women from 18 to 65...literally Age Ain't Nuthin, but a Number...dancing showing my thighs who's boss lol.  They played everything from folklore gospel to top 40, and I danced to everyone like I knew them all.  Again, I have a small hint of narcissism, so you know I danced right in front of the mirror. I will not only hit the cabbage patch, shoulder shrug two step, and running man, but I will sing too...mind you jazz hands with a couple of shimmies were included.   I will start the church clap, you know the single clap followed up with a double clap.  Every choir had at least one member who did it, sometimes not always on beat lol.  However, the other chicas will join right along with me.  I danced so hard, but I kept my heels on though...well at least until the last song anyway.  I gave Beyonce a run for her money…where them $$ at lol.  I left there full of energy!  I was on FIRE! Hopefully the pic below gives you a good example of what I mean...they wouldn't let me take pictures inside the place :( :)

Needless to say, I was definitely motivated and next Sunday can’t come fast enough.  Don’t get me wrong I can’t promise that I won’t embarrass my family and friends in public any longer.  However, I can promise I am a dedicated member to DDPP.  The best $5 I will ever spend.  The lucky thing about this place is that they are just not in Chicago…Ladies hold on to your extensions…this place is NATIONWIDE & INTERNATIONAL AHHHHHH!!!!!  If you don’t have one in your city you can start it easily by visiting this website dancedancepartyparty.com…I’m not crazy this really does exist.  It’s so serious; I didn't even start my car before I submitted my email to DJ for my birthday weekend. January 27th, it's official, I'll blog my play list, but FYI my actual birthday is on Jan. 25th...just in case you want to post on my FB page.  I’m going to show these ladies how an Aquarius rocks it!  Oh yeah, I need a cool DJ name for when I put my mix on the ones and twos lol...opinions welcome..

Until Next Time…Stay Tuned!!!

Show Me What You Working With...

This past Friday I started my “Pre New Year's Resolution.”  I feel it’s more feasible if I don’t wait until 2013.  For some odd reason Olivia Newton-John's 80s jam Physical played over and over in my head.  It’s a sign to get my behind in the gym…obviously without leotards and head bands.

For the last few months I have indulged in fine foods… wine, cake, wine, cookies, and more wine.  I must say it's been a stressful past 5 months.  Work, family, relationships AAAAAHHHHHH….okay maybe a little dramatic, and the same situations many experience, but I need an excuse for my vices just like the rest.

I possibly over extended the adjectives I'm a thick and curvy chica.  Thick and curvy has now taken a left turn to you better stop while you ahead boo.  First sign, walking…swish swish…pause…shrug shoulders continue walking, walking…swish swish…pause turn around, with a little fear and ready to run just in case, and see there is nobody trying to sneak up on me.  Oh no, that’s just me.  My thighs, sounding like I have on corduroys. 

Second sign, I know what you’re thinking, Francine what could be worse than that?  I’ll tell you what’s worse…my thighs not making sounds at all.  They are literally stuck together, and now I have the awkwardness of walking around like I’m pigeon toed.  Believe me it’s not as sexy if you weren't born that way.  

Let us move upward to the second sign.  I promise you my neck is starting to look like Kimora Lee Simmons (the baby neck).  I literally feel my skin overlapping and feel like I have to peel it apart.  Do you know how uncomfortable it is to extend your neck in fear that you will choke yourself in your sleep?  In my best Kevin Hart voice “This $**** just got real.” 

Solution to the problem is to get like Fergie... "I be up in the gym, just working on my fitness.”  Although this feels good and totally avoids the typical black killers i.e. diabetes, high blood pressure blah blah blah; she didn’t mention the aftermath in the song.  I didn't think it was so bad at first when my thighs screamed “WHY DO YOU HATE US!?”  I realized how bad it was when they decided to give out in the middle of the street, and I almost ended up on the hood of the taxi cab due to a Charley horse situation.  Then again, that could have been another bad karma situation from my bad driving experiences smh.  I guess no pain no gain…right?

As much as I enjoy 2 glasses minimum wine nights, and the 6 dozen of cookies I possibly ate over the Christmas break.  As much as I love my thighs and neck introducing themselves to the scientific term "lipids".  It’s time to stop this buffoonery.

Wait, before you start throwing out your suggestions.  Let’s not jump to conclusions here.  I’m not going to give up wine.  Maybe I can go red…thank God for Colgate Whitening and Cougar Town.  However, for now; the gym is a great way to start.  Note to self...learning the whole routine to Maniac from Flash Dance in my living room won’t hurt either.  Okay maybe a headband is not needed, but definitely leg warmers.

 Til next time stay tuned….

Excuse Me Mr. West

Dear Ye,

In 2007 I danced the night away to your song, Flashing Lights.  I was living the high life in fame and glamour, so I thought.  Unfortunately, my concept versus yours is night and day.  Instead of red carpets at the Grammys or photos by TMZ, I have the pleasure of smiling, more like dodging, the Illinois Department of Revenue's photo enforced cameras.I must admit my reckless driving has finally caught up with me. 

Maybe...just maybe...failing my driver's course three times before taking my unforgettable mug shot was a clear sign.  Maybe this is karma?   I can't name every incident nor mention the people I wooed to loan me their car during those times, but what I'm experiencing in my present are the consequences from my past.

For 2013 there will be a New Year resolution added to my list.  No more dents, high insurance rates; or pedestrians on the hood of my car. As much as I love that the City of Chicago has less pot holes in the streets due to my monthly citations, I will have to resign from candidacy as their highest paying client.

I no longer want to be an addict to my terrible driving, so I have taken a vow to the 12 Step Program similar to AA.  Reckless behavior is reckless behavior regardless of how you look at it...drunk or sober...it's all frowned upon.  It's not 12 steps, exactly, but the American Psychological Association has made a summary of it making it 6 steps, still just as effective.

1.       Admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion-Well that was easy...the whole purpose of this blog is admitting that I have a problem.

2.   Recognizing a higher power that can give strength-Dear Heavenly Merciful Father, I know you're busy out there with other severe problems, but I am here thanking you for allowing me to get each person that rides as a passenger in my car to their destination.  I humbly ask thee  to guide, protect, and keep me alert on every highway and bi-way as I continue on each of my journeys regardless of whose car I'm in or how far the distance. 

3.   Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member)-He's not experienced in driving, unless you count, the numerous games of XBOX and PSP, however; he's been in the car with me the most. My son, Hosea, will definitely keep me in aligned and point out my wrongs…I’m sure of it.

4.   Making amends for these errors-I will apologize, ahead of time, to each person who trusts me behind the wheel of the car.  I will not speed through a yellow light.  I will slowly bring my car to a stop.  No more using my phone while driving...unless I need Google Maps because I will still have no sense of direction. I will invest in glasses.  In addition, I will pay off the remaining tickets from the City of Chicago by the end of 2013.  As for the Illinois Highway Toll possibly 2014 or maybe 2015…does that count anyway?

     5.  Learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior-I will not become annoyed at my sponsor or future passengers when they gasp for air while holding their chest or suddenly become converted to Catholicism as they pray to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I will respectfully understand that their lives are even more important to them than they are to me.  In addition, I will become more accustomed to having the extra dollars in my pocket...helloooooo "Red Bottoms." 

6.  Helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions- I don't know of anyone who drives similar to me, but willing to offer my suggestions.  Shout out to Jesse White, the Illinois Secretary of State, I am available to discuss future campaigns with my face for the marketing piece.

Mr. West, as much as I want to, I do not hold you accountable for me taking your song literally.  Please continue to spend your millions on the most popular Kardashian chick; and have your face on the cover of magazines.  I, on the other hand, will continue to avoid the paparazzi shots and the orange notification letters with a picture of my car driving thru another red light.

Till next time…stay tuned.

Love Jones In My Bones...Not!!!

"This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you,” in my best Larenz Tate voice.  The words I've been waiting to hear all night...shoot all my life.  The movie, now turned into a play, Love Jones (singing to myself..."gotta love Jones for youuuuuu...oooo").  Yes! I'm going...let's play it out:

1.  Ticket bought in advance...check...only 20 bucks can't beat it.

2.  Okay, Saturday is here... inhale... exhale.  Going to be punctual.  I've been talking about this show for a week now.  Shower is running at 3:45 pm...3 hours and 15 minutes before the show starts. Karaoke moment in full sway."The sweetest thing I ever known, it's like a kiss on a collar bone."  Lauryn Hill can sing it better, but I'm her fill in for now.

3.  4:15 I think I want to do a Mohawk...okay twist twist twist...bobbi pin it...mmmmmm...not feeling it...take it down...okay twist twist twist...bobbi pin it to the side...mmmm...tweak it tweak it.  Perfect!  (“They say I'm hopeless like a penny with a hole it,”sing it Dionne Farris.)

4.  5:00 okay what to wear?  Where is that one top that I had..."Niiiiiiigelllllll!!!?” Do you know where my blue top is?"  Man I don't have anything to wear.  Okay let's try these pants with this shirt...hold on where's my gold belt...ughhhh I can't find it.  Man, I really wanted to wear those earrings...I can't find them either...damn imp again.  "Niiiiigellll!”  “Have you seen, .oh never mind, I found it"...Oh $h!t it's 5:30..."Nigel, Nigelllll have you seen those one  shoes?"

5.  5:55 oh shoot, I have to get out of here!  Just pick something.  Oh...perfect.  Why didn't  I choose this a long time ago.  "Nigel, how I look?"  Perfect, now I just need to find my scarf...

6.  6:10 pulling out of the garage.  No Francine, you do not have time to pick up the lipstick you saw at the corner Walgreens.  Be more concerned about directions.  You know you don't know how to get there.  Google maps, download address...come on come on...damn Wi-Fi never works over here.

7.  6:22 G-Map downloaded directions…32 minute ride...if I don't get lost.  Stop and go traffic.  Might as well use my time wisely, where's my massacre? Three strokes on each eyelash.  Fiddle through my purse...where's my lipstick?  Oh there it is...I love this color I didn't need that new stick after all.  

8. 6:28 Instagram!!!!

.  

9.  6:37 hopping on the highway ... and the express lanes are open.

10.  6:46 off the express way...review the directions again..Looking for Morgan St.?  Dang it! I passed it.  Why didn't I turn on the navigational system?  The chic always explains the directions better.  Okay turn around...you are 2 minutes away.

11.  6:49 park it.

  

12.  6:53 made it...still looking good girl.  Approaching the box office, and I'm on time.  "Name please," she states.  "Clyburn, Francine Clyburn, here's my confirmation." Totally excited.  With my eyes closed, bobbing my head side to side, and tuning the world out.  "Ma'am...ma'am...Ms. Clyburn." Tune back in Francine.  She states, "I'm sorry to inform you ma'am, but the performance over sold, and we are unable to provide you with a seat for tonight's show.”(did this women just call me ma’am… seriously).

12.  6:55 "Are you kidding me, but I bought my tickets in advance, and I’m on time."  “I apologize ma'am, (she is calling me ma’am…flip the table over…flip it), but you should have received an email. “We'll refund the $20 in your account within 48 hours."

13.  I didn't get to see my imitation Nina and Darius tonight.  Luckily, I have it on DVD.  Note to self...I didn't get an email.  Best believe I will be saying something about my $20.00.

Til next time...stay tuned.

Just Me & My Work Hubby

I think Shawn Carter, aka
Jay-Z aka H.O.V.A. etc...said it best when he introduced his profound love for Beyonce in  hip-hop hit "03" Bonnie & Clyde, "All I need in this life of sin is me and my girl friend..."(knees slightly bent bouncing swaying side to side while making some weird rap hand gestures near my face loll).  However, when you're working a 9 to 5...you don't need the ride or die boo...but, more of the person to remind you of your 10 AM meeting on a Monday.   Dun ta da da dun to da da (in my best Superman hero theme voice), this is a job for your Work Spouse... hands on hips "S" on the chest


I saw a TV episode of Happy Endings, totally recommended on Tuesdays at 9/8 central on ABC; hilarious. The married couple had work spouses...the couple to the far left

  

Now, you may not realize that you have a work hubby or wifey, but believe me, the rest of your co-workers will definitely notice and point it out.  If you, and a co-worker fall in at least 3 of the categories below...it's official you have a work spouse.

1.  You depend on a particular co-worker for office supplies, snacks and aspirin.-I can't tell you how many times this comes in handy...because not only is the imp at my home stealing my accessories and clothes, but she's at my desk and sometimes steals pens and highlighters. 

2. There are inside jokes that you and a specific co-worker share.-This is all the time.  You will see a blog of my work husband's Schmidt Moments rotfl...you will probably only get this if you seen New Girl, Tuesdays on FOX 9/8 central...believe me I have hard time choosing between, Happy Endings and New Girl.  Decisions decisions which one will be live or On Demand.

3. You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa).-Due to me stating "are you trying to fit another person in your pants, he bought a new pair of slacks for work that fit.  In return I didn't snap when he pointed out my three gray hairs at the lunch table; yesterday...remember honesty is the best policy.

4.  In a group of co-workers you two may tend to forget that there are other people in the crowd to converse with-My work hubby and I were considered to be Martin and Gina...while the third wheel was Pam...not intentionally. Hopefully, those TV characters don't require an introduction.

5.  They are nine times out of ten the person you will experience your eventful moments during the work hours-Yep the time the entire Sandy Springs Police Station surrounded a Popeye's due to a potential stick up during my lunch hour, and I hid in the bathroom with my work hubby...yep shout out to my first work hubby in Georgia hugs hugs hugs...that was a possible ride or die moment lol.

This is my current work spouse (scroll up)...look at him diligently working...making changes in the world...he is aware that I took this picture other wise it will just be creepy.  We sit right next door to each other. Picture it similar to Tim and Wilson from Home Improvement (it's usually me that can't see over the wall...thank God for heels).  

I had a couple of work husbands, shout out to Louis & Christian. Due to moving, promotions, or being replaced by a new co-worker; they can come and go easily. It's okay though, they are easy to replace. Remember it’s not that serious...no liberation songs of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor required if it doesn't work out.

 Instead of arguing over who gets the beach house in the Hamptons, it's more of the Office Depot catalog and the remaining paper clips at the bottom of the drawer.  Yes, embrace it. It's the healthiest and perfect relationship. 

Thanks for tuning in, and you will hear from me soon.