I'm Coming Out!

Like everybody else, I have a couple of alter egos. One of them, kinda like the HBIC, is Mifm (pronounced mif-mmmm).  It's a french word meaning, yes I made it up, My Inner Fat Me. I like to think she's super classy because of the whole French thing, but instead; she's super bold, temperamental, and hungry. She sounds like Baby Dee from Next Friday, and hums after she takes a bite of all her unhealthy snacks...sense the "mmmmm" sound in her name. By no means... do not get it twisted...she is a Diva.  So sometimes she gets a little aggravated when I ignore her cravings, and she might spaz out from time to time. She knows when I'm at work there is more structure. I already have a set of meals planned, and i don't carry cash so it eliminates the option of buying cookies and cake from the grab and go. But when my boss comes upstairs and lets me know that the office is leaving early, Mifm knows this is her moment to shine. Its like Diana Ross on the cover of her live album in Central Park. The only difference is she's in full drag...believe me it's not as pretty.

Oh yeah chic it's time...it is time.

As an adult you look forward to bragging to coworkers, friends, and family when your employer honors you with the option to go home early. Now although I know I should be a worker bee, I. quickly gather my belongings while singing lyrics from "Shout" and throw my deuces up like Chris Breezy. But as I head out the revolving doors of my office building, I feel sudden vibrations pulsating through my veins. I feel Mifm plotting, and I know it's only a matter of time before she is let loose. I have maintained her for quite sometime but days like this its kinda difficult, and she's letting me know Who's the Boss.

At 1:45 PM, when Mifm came home and went straight to the kitchen, I knew it was over at this moment.  Francine no longer existed. She passed the fruit bowl filled with apples, avocados, and oranges; and went for the pantry for the Aldi brand of Vanilla Almond Special K. Now you might think this isn't that bad, however; the generic brand of cereal shows its true colors because the flakes are super hard and might chip a tooth if u dont let the milk soften them. Not even considering the fruit to hold her over, she grabs the strawberry jam and wheat bread from the cupboard. After consuming five single bread just jelly sandwiches back to back she then enjoys three bowls of cereal...it had to be three bowls because just drinking the milk after the first bowl is ridiculous and its not sweet enough yet. Excuse the tone and how detail this may be, remember Francine and Mifm are contributing to this blog.

It's now 2:15 and since she is now parched from basically eating, if u think about it, a whole loaf of bread. Mifm is wayyyyy to boo-gee to drink tap water so why not drink a glass of wine from the opened bottle last night...it's 5 pm somewhere...that's how she justifies it. By 2:30 pm a sugar crash occurs and she subsides for an hour

It's 3:30 and by 4 PM, Mifm is busting out of the seams like She-Hulk. To try to manage the unacceptable behavior, Francine reluctantly gets up and fixes Mifm two more bowls of cereal....I told you she kinda punks the rest of the group.  In the process Mifm continues to sip on her remaining wine until she subsides again. At 5:15 the beast awakens because as she is highly enraged with Francine for knocking over her wine.  She bursts out in a high pitch scream/roar as she watches in slow motion her white wine go from the glass to all over the bedroom floor.

Now due to this scream of horror, Francine's son comes rushing into the room to save his mother. Francine fights tooth and nail her way back to the surface in order to calm her son, but its too late. He sees the tears forming in Mifm's eyes, and a sense of bewilder overcomes his face as he tries to figure out if he should call 911 or the priest for an exorcism. To break the ice and avoid further conflict, Francine kindly and calmly asks her son to bring the bottle of wine from the kitchen..don't judge just getting my full investment from this kiddo. Besides it's 5 pm locally now...again Mifm's justification.

Needless to say, this madness continued for the rest of the day until 10:07 pm.  If you couldn't tell by now I'm a little afraid of this chick. She doesn't care about the fact that she is sharing this body with others who have a family, career, and responsibilities to tend to. She doesn't realize that these random outbreaks are causing more fat deposits in thighs.  She can't give a damn about the fact that enjoying an excessive amount of glitter and feathers for the Caribana Festival is on the line here...shame on you if you thought it was for amateur night at Magic City. In addition, she doesn't care that her future lies in Francine's son's hands, who by the way is reconsidering putting his mother in a home.  Although a half a day should be something every 9 to 5 person looks forward to, my Ferris Bueller's Day Off moment does not quite end up with me performing the Thriller dance on stair cases. It's more of battling Mifm and avoiding gaining 5 lbs per hour.

Until next time stay tuned.