Now, Idris might of been a little bit concerned about ruining her pic. Shoot, Oprah is like the "Godfather Media Mogul". I'm sure it's not hard for her to order a beheaded horse in some person's bed
Now we all know Oprah doesn't need to do selfie pics to keep her self relevant. Her hair is a hashtag #OprahHair, let alone all of her other accomplishments. A variety of people, different shades and avenues love her to death...shoot I'm one of them.
However, anytime I can see Mister...ooooo breathe Francine...stop caressing your neck...just whisper it, slowly...Idris Elba...exhale. If he was photo bombing me it would’ve been more of "come on Taker me through the Wire, and Mandela me on down baby..." I know...smh...apologize Ma.
Phillip
Seymour Hoffman'sfuneral was last week. Unfortunately, it went
from a celebration of life to the new Valentino
handbag Amy Adams was wearing, or Drake
having a Kanye West moment. People probably know him more for the infamous
"sharted" comment on, Along Came Polly more than him being a critically
acclaimed award winning actor.
Obviously, I'm not a celeb, however; I think
pretty highly of myself. I think everybody should have their special days
i.e. birthdays, weddings, funerals all the same. I will like to think
that I'm popular enough where everyone would like to come to my celebration and
live it up. Ok yes, you can obviously see this article is still not about
Phillip Seymour. As I was saying, why wouldn't people want to come to my celebration of life, lots of karaoke,
laughing, and smiling at fun memories, and margaritas?
Now don't freak out. I'm not planning on dying
anytime soon; but just in case mourners decide to express their emotions,
consider these worthy side notes before acting out:
1.
Please do not interrupt my celebration with sayings like “Lord Jesus why not
me?” Oh, you think you Drake...SEEEEECURRRRIIIIITTTTYYY!
(SNAP, SNAP)...don't think I won't have a designated security guards showing
you the exit.
Really Drake? Reallyyyyyyy?
2.
I love karaoke, but please choose songs wisely
3.
Don't be in there talking about how you would've thrown my celebration...key word MYYYYY CELEBRATION!
When it’s yours you can do whatever you want to do.
4.
Don’t even think about kissing me with your “My lip gloss
is poppin”...lipstick. Now I
have to meet my maker looking like my forehead is covered in hickies.
5. For the gentlemen, do not demonstrate your LL Cool
Jay impersonation with lip, to finger, to my lip kiss..Ewwww...I
don't know where your finger’s been.
6.
My casket can only fit one person, so keep on living.
7.
Don't post pics of me, in my casket on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest....smh
@rayven_not_raven. She so busy trying get people to spell her name
correctly, smh.
8.
Don’t post “selfies” of
your OOTD (Outfit of The Day) and then let it be known that you're at my show...I
will haunt u
Recently, my friend, Allison, and I started going to the gym at work. We came across Competitor Magazine, which inspires people to become a modern day Forrest Gump/Gladiator via running. By the way, we are not that eager to exercise where we have to read about it for motivation.
With that being said, we were really interested in theCuipid'sUndie Runarticle. It's a marathon held in multiple cities, where people run for 1 mile…is that still a marathon or is it just a sprint…hmmm? Anyway, the fundraiser is a big eye catcher because the runners do it in their underwear; and the proceeds go towards the Children's Tumor Foundation.
I know, adults, regardless of shape and size ; running around in bloomers. I'm sure the children are suffering enough. On the other hand, anytime somebody runs in their Joe Boxer and Victoria Secrete panties, you know they love the kids. Being the philanthropist I am…no, that wasn't a joke…I decided to buy my red and pink lingerie; and run in the streets of Chicago on Valentines Day with the best of them.
In my headChariots of Fire’s theme song is playing…you know...the song that always played in the movies when people were running in slow motion towards something or someone. Just in case you still acting brand new, I attached the MP3 below...push play now, just let it play.
1
A large crowdof people, standing on the sidelines, are cheering the good-hearted runners on. You would've thought we were in the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics. I saw myself,and friends too, running in slow motion with fist pumps. We're full of smiles, and not worried about the cold breeze hardening or deflating certain body parts. The adrenaline is pumping through our veins. Although it's 14 degrees, our hearts are beating out of our chest. We make it to the half-way mark, and I'm starting to realize I bit off more than I could chew...okay it might of been a quarter of a mile. Then my Janet Jackson moment happens, and I’m not talking about her Janet, World Tour "That's The Way LOVE Goes". My right nip nipmakes its headliner appearance. It pops out of my bra, sports bra, and tube top. Due to my substantial velocity this nipple pops me dead in my eye...OUCH!!!The lefty is only hanging in by a thread, and not wanting to be left out her nip nip smacks my bottom lip. I went from curing tumors to looking like I have the "bum bump" and a bad case of pink eye.
It made me wonder, how could I participate in Cupid's Undie Run and still rock a banging eye patch?
Walk around yellingHAROOOT, HAROOOT! like the mighty Spartans in 300 ...Omg I can't wait til the sequel!
Sing I Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg around the office like Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, but expect Human Resources to come to my desk.
Yell at people if they confuse my name with another, like Samuel L. Jackson...in my sarcastic chuckle...ha ha hah you thought I was who...Laurence Fishburne? Eat the got damn cake Anna May!
I'm able to admit; I'm not able pull off the adorned eye lid, however, I'm rooting for the kids and runners from the sidelines. Happy Valentines Day everybody XOXOXO!!!!!
So last week was the Super Bowl XLVIII, and for some odd reason guys love this sport. So while they're all about the parties
and touch down lingo I was, once again, thinking to myself what am I going to
eat for dinner?
I get it.Some women might really love sports,
overall.Either they're really
competitive, family are sports fanatics, or a whole Salt N Peppa Whatta Man
type thing is the reason they sit through a game.Me, on the other hand, I think this is the
reason why I didn't see the newairing of Kandi Burruss dragging whoever she was talking to
on Real Housewives of Atlanta, which by the way airs tonight.
However, he will give me partial credit
because I was able to watch some of it.Let me show him that I think this game is more than just Kiss Cam
activities and better Doritos and M&M commercials.This is my synopsis on the entire game...5:30
PM CST
2.What's the whole 12th man deal for the
Seahawks…did somebody die...Google It...wait where's my earrings?
3.Queen Latifah was one color all the way
down, minus the blue in the coat.
4. Who plays songs from 5 years ago as your
intro?
5.Kurt Russell looks like he was trying
to reincarnate an 80’s Patrick Swayze mixed with the 90’s Ghost.
6.I was wondering why the NFL would allow
the Bronco's mascot, Thunder, on the field. I don't trust any animal
that could look east and west at the same time.
Well at least I tried.I caught the best part, while I was enjoying
my meal; Bruno & Flea are an awesome duo.Congratulations to Seattle Seahawks!I know your 12th man is watching, RIP dude...just kidding...I Google.
A young lady, full of excitement, boarding a plane eagerly sits down and fastens her belt. She prepares her iPad, phone in airplane mode, and adjusts her personal belongings accordingly.She takes a good look at her audience and counts the crowd…hmmmm approximately 42 people arranging themselves.Not a full house, but just enough for 7 am flight.
The flight attendants go around advising the passengers to turn off devices, put up trays, and place personal belongings under the seat.The young lady makes certain she doesn’t disobey any of the orders, and does as told.She attentively listens to the steps in the case of an emergency; only because she knows she has something more to be excited about than a safe landing.
She waits for the intercom call allowing everyone to turn their devices on, and for the kind attendants to take and complete everyone’s beverage orders.The young lady locates the bathrooms and waits for the opportune time to catch one of the attendants near it.Smiling ear to ear, but yet nervous, she kindly gains the attention of the flight attendant, Andy.In her best whisper voice, “Excuse me Sir, hi, how are you?”
Andy turns with a smile, and not realizing the lady is whispering speaks in the normal level, “Yes,
Ma’am, how can I help you?”She begins to speak, “Ummm…today is a special day, okay maybe not exactly today, but it’s prettyyyyyyy clossssssse.See, last Saturday was my birthday.”Andy intercedes with a nod in agreement.The young lady continues, “See, yeah it’s a pretty big deal.So even though today isn’t the day exactly, I still want you guys to sing me happy birthday.”
“Excuse me Ma’am, did I hear you correctly?” Andy replies.“You’re requesting a song?”“Yes, exactly.I was on here last time and the flight attendants sung happy birthday to a woman on my last plane ride.Should I’ve called in advance to have it done??”Andy, smiling and chuckling in disbelief, “Yes Ma’am, we do sing for our customers.Usually someone requests a song, but this is fine too.” “Oh, goodie!” the lady responds.“I’m so excited! This will be great.I have to go to the restroom right now, so just give me a minute, and I will totally prepare myself for it.”Andy, chuckling, again gave a nod, “Sure, we’ll make something happen
So this year my birthday was pretty awesome!!! As usual, I hung out with great people, my mother came to town, and most of all I took a winter trip in the winter to Philadelphia to see another Carter Family, Jay-Z.I know it was probably pretty tiring for people to hear “But, it’s myyyyyyyyy birthday…” over and over again.But shoot it was.Therefore I enjoyed every moment of it from January 24th to January 31st…who doesn’t celebrate their birthday for an entire week?The most impressive part, was my favorite moment, on Southwest Airlines.They made turning 23 backwards the ultimate highlight! While everyone is interested in bags fly free, I am feeling the karaoke on a plane.
Idris Elba
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