I'm Coming Out!

Like everybody else, I have a couple of alter egos. One of them, kinda like the HBIC, is Mifm (pronounced mif-mmmm).  It's a french word meaning, yes I made it up, My Inner Fat Me. I like to think she's super classy because of the whole French thing, but instead; she's super bold, temperamental, and hungry. She sounds like Baby Dee from Next Friday, and hums after she takes a bite of all her unhealthy snacks...sense the "mmmmm" sound in her name. By no means... do not get it twisted...she is a Diva.  So sometimes she gets a little aggravated when I ignore her cravings, and she might spaz out from time to time. She knows when I'm at work there is more structure. I already have a set of meals planned, and i don't carry cash so it eliminates the option of buying cookies and cake from the grab and go. But when my boss comes upstairs and lets me know that the office is leaving early, Mifm knows this is her moment to shine. Its like Diana Ross on the cover of her live album in Central Park. The only difference is she's in full drag...believe me it's not as pretty.

Oh yeah chic it's time...it is time.

As an adult you look forward to bragging to coworkers, friends, and family when your employer honors you with the option to go home early. Now although I know I should be a worker bee, I. quickly gather my belongings while singing lyrics from "Shout" and throw my deuces up like Chris Breezy. But as I head out the revolving doors of my office building, I feel sudden vibrations pulsating through my veins. I feel Mifm plotting, and I know it's only a matter of time before she is let loose. I have maintained her for quite sometime but days like this its kinda difficult, and she's letting me know Who's the Boss.

At 1:45 PM, when Mifm came home and went straight to the kitchen, I knew it was over at this moment.  Francine no longer existed. She passed the fruit bowl filled with apples, avocados, and oranges; and went for the pantry for the Aldi brand of Vanilla Almond Special K. Now you might think this isn't that bad, however; the generic brand of cereal shows its true colors because the flakes are super hard and might chip a tooth if u dont let the milk soften them. Not even considering the fruit to hold her over, she grabs the strawberry jam and wheat bread from the cupboard. After consuming five single bread just jelly sandwiches back to back she then enjoys three bowls of cereal...it had to be three bowls because just drinking the milk after the first bowl is ridiculous and its not sweet enough yet. Excuse the tone and how detail this may be, remember Francine and Mifm are contributing to this blog.

It's now 2:15 and since she is now parched from basically eating, if u think about it, a whole loaf of bread. Mifm is wayyyyy to boo-gee to drink tap water so why not drink a glass of wine from the opened bottle last night...it's 5 pm somewhere...that's how she justifies it. By 2:30 pm a sugar crash occurs and she subsides for an hour

It's 3:30 and by 4 PM, Mifm is busting out of the seams like She-Hulk. To try to manage the unacceptable behavior, Francine reluctantly gets up and fixes Mifm two more bowls of cereal....I told you she kinda punks the rest of the group.  In the process Mifm continues to sip on her remaining wine until she subsides again. At 5:15 the beast awakens because as she is highly enraged with Francine for knocking over her wine.  She bursts out in a high pitch scream/roar as she watches in slow motion her white wine go from the glass to all over the bedroom floor.

Now due to this scream of horror, Francine's son comes rushing into the room to save his mother. Francine fights tooth and nail her way back to the surface in order to calm her son, but its too late. He sees the tears forming in Mifm's eyes, and a sense of bewilder overcomes his face as he tries to figure out if he should call 911 or the priest for an exorcism. To break the ice and avoid further conflict, Francine kindly and calmly asks her son to bring the bottle of wine from the kitchen..don't judge just getting my full investment from this kiddo. Besides it's 5 pm locally now...again Mifm's justification.

Needless to say, this madness continued for the rest of the day until 10:07 pm.  If you couldn't tell by now I'm a little afraid of this chick. She doesn't care about the fact that she is sharing this body with others who have a family, career, and responsibilities to tend to. She doesn't realize that these random outbreaks are causing more fat deposits in thighs.  She can't give a damn about the fact that enjoying an excessive amount of glitter and feathers for the Caribana Festival is on the line here...shame on you if you thought it was for amateur night at Magic City. In addition, she doesn't care that her future lies in Francine's son's hands, who by the way is reconsidering putting his mother in a home.  Although a half a day should be something every 9 to 5 person looks forward to, my Ferris Bueller's Day Off moment does not quite end up with me performing the Thriller dance on stair cases. It's more of battling Mifm and avoiding gaining 5 lbs per hour.

Until next time stay tuned.

Cheers to Margaritas & Friends

Okay she totally took my words out of context smh...
But I guess a praise is a praise

 "Let me hear you make some joyful crazy margarita noise"...in my best Kirk Franklin Stomp voice.  It's here, it's official, it's National Margarita Day.  I know take a deep breath...it's like a Christmas Eve for Cinco De Mayo.

I don't know why this has been a secret for so long, but thank God for Google.  I feel like I found the cure for World Peace.  Okay, maybe not world peace, but it could bring some civility to whatever argument.  I don't know if you can tell, but I was a little bit more than excited about this day. Talk about a great reason to text, watch the news, read the paper, and use social media.

Margaritas have always been my drink of choice. I use to get them everywhere, well until Mel told me to stop making it so complicated lol...everybody can't make one that's for sure.  Shoot, I like what I like lol.   I know what you're thinking this sounds like another lush moment.   Honestly though, I really enjoy the chatting while sipping with friends.  I will always cherish those moments, OMG, I feel a Oscar winning speech coming on...hand on heart, tear tear...stuttering and overwhelmed...do you get the point lol.

Majority of my friends learned more about me and vice versa due to the two shots of tequila, ice, Cointreau, limes, and no salt on rim conversations. Goshly, it's not rocket science...I don't know why some bartenders make it so difficult smh.  Needless to say my close friends shared this drink with me. Regardless if it's one, two glasses or a pitcher; by the end of the night, or day, lol the Golden Girl theme song is playing in my head.

We all have a Betty moment from time to time lol.

So even though February 22 will always be known as National Margarita Day...yes I have to say it fully in order for it to be official, I will never wait that long to have it with the ones I love the most. Hope you enjoyed the day and the drinks rather it been on the rocks or frozen. This one is dedicated to my girls who I love like a bag of pearls.  Love you much chicas!

 Until next time, stay tuned

You ladies have been through some serious milestones with me, and regardless of how long we were apart I still feel like we never missed a beat!!

Ruzzle Trying to Make Me Go To Rehab

Sear, late, later, note, notes tone, toner, toners...ummmmm okay I need a new word...yes...triple word....one minute...I thought that was a word...let me try it again...dang it, move on...gel, leg, gear, gate, gates, gater...heart is raceing 200 beats a minute...now mind went blank... tatter, prat, par, pear, tear tore.  Buzzer sound...I used that word already?   Man, I should have used the "E" worth double the points...10 seconds left...knock it out...3, 2, 1...yes that was a good game...wait 40 words out of 365...omg I have the vocabulary of a 3rd grader. Rematch!

This is how I feel everyday when I play Ruzzle; the best app ever made, until they come out with something better anyway.  Thank you to the Almighty Father who created the developer of this 2 minute mind blowing orgasm.  I'm starting to realize that the love of this game is really starting to affect my life.  I wonder what gave it away....thanking God for it, or comparing it to sex (Phaedra Park face).  Needless to say it's my drug of choice. 

Now I' know I'm not the only person experiencing this habit...Facebook proven...but just in case you're in denial let me help you out

1.  You spent $2.99 on the game because you really wanted to know the remaining 325+ words that you missed...if you didn't know...the game is free.

Don't even front like this hasn't happnen to you...remember acceptance is the first step.

2. You're seriously contemplating spending $2.99...if you haven't already fell victim to step # 1.

3.  You rejected your mama's phone call in order to accomplish the "Not Now" achievement. Now call your mother and have a 2Pac "Dear Mama" moment...smh apologize Mom xoxo.

4.  You play the game while walking to your short journeys at work i.e. restrooms, water coolers, and vending machines  God forbid you have a parched throat or uncontrollable bladder...it's just going to have to wait...it's time for the pee pee dance.

Use the Percolator Dance beat, it's more fun to dance that way lol.

5.  You're deprived of sleep in order to play all 10 games that you have going simultaneously.  You know you can't keep your eyes open and tired as hell,  and the small sane portion of your brain is praying that the competition won't ask for a rematch.

6.  You wake up in the morning for work and seriously play a game before brushing your teeth or going to the restroom...mind you everybody played their turn while you were sleep.  So 2 minutes now turned into 20 minutes, and you're right back at step 5 all over again..

7.  It's 1 degrees outside and you remove your gloves and take the risk of frost bite because the app can't identify your movement with them on

8.  You realize that red lights are not as long as you thought they were, and you try to act like you didn't see it turn green until the road rage driver behind you honks his horn.

9.  All your friends are too busy to play, and you're frustrated with Ruzzle for taking too long to find a random opponent  

10.  You know good and dang well you're not bilingual, but play  Ruzzle in Russian because you can't get a faster opponent in English.  Spanish just seems like the easy way out. 

11.  You not only play your BF from Facebook, but also your associates...if they are even considered that...I mean you never even been to their profiles let along thumbs up their photos...better yet ya'll just know each other because you think you saw them around campus. Who cares, you just need an opponent.

12.  You talk so much stuff to the random opponent to the point that they won't play you anymore.  Note to self, learn how not to be a poor winner

13.  In mid conversation with your non-digital friend youuuuuuu Stop! Hammer Time, because you just won a game. Now the digital friend can't see you,and the friend in front of you thinks you're just weird....awwwkwward.

I'm getting help, obviously Ruzzle has distracted me enough. I'm a shame to say that this game is the reason why it took me so long to write this blog. Well I gotta go it's my turn...I mean I have serious business to take care of lol...don't judge me.

Until next time...stay tuned

Loosing My Senses

A young lady walks into a DMV ready to renew her licensebefore it expires for her 31^st birthday.  She has a cute little bun in her hair, glossy lips,  appliedbronzer, and accessorized to a “T”.  She's humming whatever song was last played on the radio; with documents in hand. She’s a littleconcerned but not to the point where she stops practicing her smiles in hercompact mirror case.  She smiles then thinks,smiles then thinks again, and then she bows her head to pray, “Dear Lord,please allow me to get my driver’s license today…please let me get my dri…avoice over the intercom interrupts “Ticket Number 201, please approach windownumber 8.”  The young lady continues to finishher prayer “This we ask in Jesus name A-men...Thanks God your awesome too,” andsmiles really big as she looks above” Ding! “Ticket number 201 please approach window 8.”  She gathers her things and approaches thecounter with all smiles, “Hi how you doing?” A woman with big brown frames on her face, a Christmasy cat  sweater, and Texas big blonde hair responds “I’m good; I see youwill like to renew your license.  Would youalso like to update your voter’s registration card and address?”  “Yes ma’am I would,” the young lady replies.  The woman takes all the documents, and pleasantly surprised she has such a chippery person at her station.  She confirms the lady's weight and height, and thelady agrees…even though she may be lying just a tad a bit, but that never hurt anyone.

The woman tips her glasses down to the tip of her nose andlooks sternly at the young lady, “Are you ready for your vision’s test?” Theyoung lady replies with some nervousness, but tries to be as confident aspossible…”Um sure…yeah….yeah I’m ready.” “Great then please place your head against the screen.  Now immediately, the young lady is grossedout because as she looks at her fellow neighbors doing as told, she noticesthat they do not sanitize these 1970 edition gadgets for the next person’suse.  “Ummmm, do you have any Lysol?”,the lady asked.  With annoyance writtenall over her face, the woman replies simply “No.”  The lady recognizes the facial expression, and before causing anymore frustration she gently places her forehead and prepares herself.

“Okay Ma’am, please confirm which sides do you see theblinking lights on.”  The lady respondsquickly and boldly, “Both.” “Good Job Ma’am, now please read line number 5.”  The lady tries to adjust herself, and repeatsthe statement in a form of a question…”you want me to read line number 5?”  “Yes, Ma’am I want you to read line numberfive, please.” “Okay…Okay…line number 5…ummmm.” While constantly adjustingherself she begins to read the letters aloud, “D O V M S.”  The lady glanced upward awaiting affirmationfrom the woman, and realizes she is wrong without the women even speaking. “Ma’amI need you to read line number 5,” the woman replies. The lady is now adjustingher scarf and fidgeting even more “Okay…ummmmm…line number five…where is it?” Thewoman gasps for air and exhales blowing her bang off her face, “Let's try this,read line number 4.”  The girl immediatelystarts to smile again, and regains her confidence, “yeah I can totally readthat line, V O…the woman interrupts.  “That’snot an O Ma’am.”  “Oh, ummmm…D….she looksup and see’s the woman shaking her head…oh my bad C.”  Yes Ma’am that’s correct, next letterplease.  N T Z D W”…the woman interruptsagain…that’s not a W Ma’am.”  Oh,…thelady replies…is it an N?”  “No Ma’am”…”Okayis it an M”…”Ma’am it’s a V.”  “Ohhhhhhhh,the lady now in her duh mode, now I see it…it is a V.”

Before the young lady continues to waste more time the womaninterrupts, Ma’am do you wear contacts?” The young lady helplessly shakes herhead side to side, “No Ma’am…I do not.”  Theyoung lady goes back to putting her face on the gadget and immediately stops when she hears the women's voice…”Wellwhat about glasses?” the woman states. The lady responds with her shoulders in her chin and shamefully shakesher head no.  Again blowing her bangs offher face, the woman states, “Please read line number 5 again.”  The young lady struggles through the entireprocess and get’s 4 out of 15 wrong. The woman now shaking her head with her mouth wide open, “You did notpass your vision’s test.”    The lady nowrealizing how this might be a problem is quietly standing awaiting averdict.  The woman leaves her, at thecounter, and heads to the printer to obtain more documents.  Nervously the young lady breaks the silence, “Does this mean I can’t renew my license?” Hesitantly, the woman responds with a lot of concern.  “Yes, you get your license, butpleassseeeeeee promise you will get your eyes check as soon as possible.”  The young lady nods her head dramatically inagreement and continues to proceed with her John Hancock.

Needless to say I took a great picture, and  scheduled my doctors’ appointment forMonday, January 27^th.  Ialways thought my reason for almost hitting people was because pedestrians arenot looking both ways before crossing the street, or the reason why I’m lost isnot because I can’t see the street signs, but because I have no sense ofdirection.  But Ms. Debra at the DMV has definitelytaught me otherwise. People would think that the City of Chicago is really justsuper money hungry because obviously I’m an easy target for ticket fines, getcaught up on my previous blog Excuse Me Mr. West.   TomorrowI’ll be entering my “Flirty Thirties”, and I’m down to four good senses…it’s been scientifically proven that I have good hearing, ifI don’t hear you it’s because I’m tuning you out on purpose lol…just kidding.

Until next time…stay tuned.

Encore Love Jones Encore!

So remember my previous blog, I Got A Love Jones…Not, all about my experience on seeing one of my all time favorite movies turned into a stage play.  Well unfortunately, I didn't see it then, but needless to say I saw it on Saturday, and absolutely loved it.  The play was great because it just reenacted this roller coaster ride called love.  What’s even weirder about it is that I hate roller coasters, but love the idea of being in love.  I think my girl Rihanna said it best I’m drunk on it.  Wow…I see myself really opening up to you guys...I might need to rethink this lol.

"Gone With the Wind Fablous" Anyway, I liked how it related to the current times by adding social media.  It’s not like the movie is Gone With the Wind old, but it did come out in 1997, and so much has changed since then. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc.,  have their share of drama in people's love life.  They just add another loop or 100 foot drop to the roller coaster.   You know back in my day…lol I had to laugh at that…gossip was the destroyer of the relationship, and it might have only stayed within the group of possibly 10 to 15 people.  But with the help of FB that all changed…now you can simply Google a couple and there will be some type of link directed to a social media page. It’s like living in a small town with a population of a million.

Just scream all the way down Anyway, I've been in love...some good, complicated, or I just want, notice present tense now; to jump out of plane without a parachute.  Again remember, I’m a little bit over the top these are feelings not reality...somewhat.  I never give up on it though, because I think I deserve it just like the next.  Some might think that I’m living in a fantasy world because I think my love life should be like a movie.  I don’t mean Menace II Society love either…which I think is crazy because some people actually relate to that type of love and respect that more than the Notebook or Ghost.  Duuuuhhhhhh why wouldn't I want to believe that I will be a happy widow seeing my husband coming back to life through a body of Whoopi.  I understand that all relationships should have ups and downs so it can be appreciated more.  But I don’t believe your downs should be the highlight….is that crazy to think that way…hmmm…I ponder. One of my favorite scenes

In the play they mentioned this saying “YOLO” You Only Live Once....which now I believe I'm quoting Drake...smh.  Obviously in my second life I’m coming back as tree only loving summer and spring seasons, but until that happens this is the only life I’m concerned about right now.  So I’m going to continue letting love knock on my door, and letting it in.  If it works… it works, but if it doesn't  it won’t stop me from living…FACT.  I’m happy I had the chance to see the stage play of Love Jones and shout out to Margaret Mahdi and The Mahdi Theater Company for putting together an awesome show.  It’s nice to see that other people are drunk on this thing called LOVE too

Until next time...stay tuned.

  

Rock Steady...Woo!!

Another year is here…I cheered at the countdown, drunk the champagne, and danced the night away while watching people wear weird hats on their heads.  It's the Year of the Snake...don't freak out.   I think of it like the Aretha Franklin song, "Rock Steady," a year of moving forward at a steady progress and attention to details. 

As for me, it's another year to make the resolutions that I try so hard to keep, but soon get weary of them because they’re sooooooo typical.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I strive just like the next to stay healthy (mainly loose the Christmas weight added on last year and the year before that), save money, find Jesus, and love blah blah blah. They happen but just like my weight they fluctuate.  So instead of striving to do things that the norm is doing, I’m just going to do what I want to do.  I mean this is always been the case for the most part, but now without time restraints.  I'm just going to move my hips from left to right...what it is what it is what it is...rock steady baby.

So here we go!

1.  Prepare myself for Spain…ya’ll know I got Spaniard in my family lol.   I don't know eactly when I'm going, but I'm going to make it there.   I will purchase Rosetta Stone this year to become fluent in the Spanish language.  So instead of bumping Trinidad James “All Gold Everything” in my ears at work…I will annoy my fellow co-workers by repeating Dónde está el baño?…just in case you didn't know “Where is the bathroom?”  

The above picture is Trinidad James...i know..."Popping Mollys I'm sweating...Woo!"  Has anyone else noticed how big his nipples are...I know it's hard to focus on that.

"Ole!" Okay I promise I know at least four more words

         2.  Take dance lessons.  Okay don’t get me wrong as much as Dance Dance Party Party is letting me let loose, get caught up on my last blog Please Don’t Stop the Music;  I need to upgrade my booty shaking Janet Jackson shoulder shrug to more of an dance of art.  Maybe the tango or the samba…or whatever special they have on Groupon.

Okay the body is not quite there, but more feathers can handle that problem...thank youuuuuu Michael's.

Knowing me I will be more interested in doing this because of my fashionable stockings.

    3. Become fluent in Spanish, but curse in French.  Please don’t get me wrong I have tried to stop cursing for years, and it just doesn't  seem to work.  It’s terrible, I sound like I’m on an episode of Mob Wives.  Yes, I’m a PK, Hallelujah Saints! But as I tell my mother I walk along side of his footsteps not in them.  It will definitely sound sexier though if I can bring out my Lady Marmalade, without being so vulgar.

Voo doo de da  something something shin swah shin swah ...okay I don't know the words but what else is new.

4.  Finish my jewelery box.  Okay in March, of last year, I was on this whole DIY kick.  I went to Home Depot, bought paint, filing boards, and had a man measure and cut board up for me.   All this because I saw a magazine on how to create cute accessory boxes from things you already have at home.  Well I didn't have the bamboo trays at home, and I surely wasn't going to pay $20.00 for them.   Needless to say, the so called jewelery box is on my back porch in pieces, and I got an organizer from Target.

It took to long for the paint to dry...I think that's what lost me.

     5.  Take tons of pictures…develop them…and put them in photo albums...real physical albums, not digital.  As much as I love InstaGram and FaceBook, I'm bringing Polaroids back son...In my best NY swagger voice.  I want to be the ancestor who has the 100 year old picture that has to be refurbished in order to pass from generation to generation...you know with the huge gold bronze frame.  I think it will be a better feeling than the internet passing you along through Tags.

Okay this pic was take in 2003, but it's definetly a throwback.

     6.  Finish the book Eat Pray Love….I love the movie…seen it multiple times, but just picked up the book last week.   I have 50 weeks to finish it.  I'm sure there is some local BYOB that will allow me to Eat, Drink Read...hmmmm....possibly a new title.  I will stay committed to my goal to switch to red instead of white, follow up on my previous blog Show Me What Your Working With.  Hopefully, my so called ADHD will be tamed for the moment.  Now I have to finish it so I can have something to blog about.

Since I saw the movie I can totally put faces with name.

       7.   Finally hydration. I have come to the conclusion that this “might” be the way I die if I don’t do more of it.   I do not like the taste of water...I know I know it doest have a taste,,,,that's the problem. And it’s not what you think, I don’t drink pop or juice, it's a waste of money because my family will drink it in one day...what do you expect I have 14 year old.  I’m literally just dehydrated.  Put it like this, while women chill out in the sauna and sweat their pounds away, I sit in there and come out with third degree burns...okay sometimes I exaggerate, but I'm defintely sun burned.  It’s getting ridiculous.  I don’t like the taste of it, but the chore of going to the restroom three times in an hour is even more exhausting.

  

See just looking at this is making me have to go...

     Well hopefully this list is not too strenuous and overwhelming. Rosetta Stone alone isn't cheap; I might just have to consider speaking Spanish to Louis at work, instead.  Most of all I'm going to really enjoy blogging about this year.  I really appreciate everybody reading Tune In Mi Head, and I hope your 2013 is prosperous too.

Until next time…stay tuned

PLEASE DON’T STOP THE MUSIC

OMG! OMG! OMG!  I just started 2013 off so right.  Two years ago I found this spot, all thanks to YELP and GOOGLE, called Dance Dance Party Party (DDPP)!  I know…what is this you ask? It’s a God sent. ..surely for me.  Ever since I was a little girl I mean I knew every single dance to every dance movie there was.  Dirty Dancing, What’s Love Got To Do With It, and my all time favorite the Josephine Baker Story…that’s only to name a few.  Do not get it twisted…I know what you're thinking.  Josephine Baker?  Why?  Before Mini Me 1 & 2 showed up on my chest, I would have put my Chiquita banana skirt on and danced across a stage in front of millions too...if I had one.  Unfortunately, now the Ta-Tas are not the same and I’m more fearful of losing an eye if I let these bad babies out.

Anyway back to my story… I finally decided to try this place out for the first time.  Dance Dance Party Party is where you can just let loose and dance anyway the music takes you.  No worries of people judging you and looking at you weird.  There’s no guys, apologize gentlemen; no booze…just you and the music…and of course whoever else is in the class, but believe me they are not paying you any mind because they are too busy getting their boogie on too.  Since I’m on this whole getting fit kick, get updated from the last blog Show Me What You Working With, I had to find a fun way to shed these pounds without getting bored.  DDPP showed me the light.  It was like God heard my prayers and the heavens opened…angels singing in harmony...Awwwwwwwww.

From high school to college, I was always the friend, surely if I paid money to get into a party; who will be on the dance floor from the time I got there to the time I was about to leave.  I didn't care if I was dancing with somebody or by myself.  You better know if it was my jam, oh I was on the floor.  I didn't even need to be inebriated…shoot bump a bar. When I was younger dancing to Miss Jackson was my first love.  “If” and “Pleasure Principles were my jams.  I’m a little bit of a narcissist  why wouldn't I enjoy dancing in mirrors all  day.  Then Jennifer Lopez came out with that song "Get Right", I use to put my son on the bus, and rush home to catch the video in the morning.  I will have my heels and shorts on dancing with the kitchen broom.  I mean I was working it…better believe it…it was just that serious.

As I get older, containing myself is even harder.  I've gotten to the point where I don’t care what people think of me.  I'm my daddies' child, and love the fact that I will know when I hear a U2, Blondie beat, or the guy who sings “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night,” on the music box at the local grocery store.  I will literally break out in a full pirouette in aisle 5, with jazz hands.   I don’t care if I’m on the Southside, Westside, or Northside of Chicago, or Alton, STL or ATL…if you get the point.  I will do it, maybe not so perfect, and sometimes in song.  Now my son is totally embarrassed at this and usually walks off and disowns me, but sometimes I get an audience.  The mother pushing her baby in the cart or the stock boys usually sing along with me.  Regardless I’m in the moment, feeling it, with long hair, and don’t care. 

Just in case you didn't know them...

U2..."With Or Without You"

The Guy who sings " I Wear My Sunglasses" lol...I don't know his name but I love the song...it's on the album cover.

Blondie "Call Me"

I went and bought my first pair of leg warmers to go with my leggings, cut off sweater, and 4 inch heels.  I know what you're thinking HEELS?  Yes, I said heels; good for them calf muscles…shoot Tina Turner didn’t get them legs by walking around in flats, Boo.  

From 4 to 5 pm on the dot… I was in a room with women from 18 to 65...literally Age Ain't Nuthin, but a Number...dancing showing my thighs who's boss lol.  They played everything from folklore gospel to top 40, and I danced to everyone like I knew them all.  Again, I have a small hint of narcissism, so you know I danced right in front of the mirror. I will not only hit the cabbage patch, shoulder shrug two step, and running man, but I will sing too...mind you jazz hands with a couple of shimmies were included.   I will start the church clap, you know the single clap followed up with a double clap.  Every choir had at least one member who did it, sometimes not always on beat lol.  However, the other chicas will join right along with me.  I danced so hard, but I kept my heels on though...well at least until the last song anyway.  I gave Beyonce a run for her money…where them $$ at lol.  I left there full of energy!  I was on FIRE! Hopefully the pic below gives you a good example of what I mean...they wouldn't let me take pictures inside the place :( :)

Needless to say, I was definitely motivated and next Sunday can’t come fast enough.  Don’t get me wrong I can’t promise that I won’t embarrass my family and friends in public any longer.  However, I can promise I am a dedicated member to DDPP.  The best $5 I will ever spend.  The lucky thing about this place is that they are just not in Chicago…Ladies hold on to your extensions…this place is NATIONWIDE & INTERNATIONAL AHHHHHH!!!!!  If you don’t have one in your city you can start it easily by visiting this website dancedancepartyparty.com…I’m not crazy this really does exist.  It’s so serious; I didn't even start my car before I submitted my email to DJ for my birthday weekend. January 27th, it's official, I'll blog my play list, but FYI my actual birthday is on Jan. 25th...just in case you want to post on my FB page.  I’m going to show these ladies how an Aquarius rocks it!  Oh yeah, I need a cool DJ name for when I put my mix on the ones and twos lol...opinions welcome..

Until Next Time…Stay Tuned!!!

Show Me What You Working With...

This past Friday I started my “Pre New Year's Resolution.”  I feel it’s more feasible if I don’t wait until 2013.  For some odd reason Olivia Newton-John's 80s jam Physical played over and over in my head.  It’s a sign to get my behind in the gym…obviously without leotards and head bands.

For the last few months I have indulged in fine foods… wine, cake, wine, cookies, and more wine.  I must say it's been a stressful past 5 months.  Work, family, relationships AAAAAHHHHHH….okay maybe a little dramatic, and the same situations many experience, but I need an excuse for my vices just like the rest.

I possibly over extended the adjectives I'm a thick and curvy chica.  Thick and curvy has now taken a left turn to you better stop while you ahead boo.  First sign, walking…swish swish…pause…shrug shoulders continue walking, walking…swish swish…pause turn around, with a little fear and ready to run just in case, and see there is nobody trying to sneak up on me.  Oh no, that’s just me.  My thighs, sounding like I have on corduroys. 

Second sign, I know what you’re thinking, Francine what could be worse than that?  I’ll tell you what’s worse…my thighs not making sounds at all.  They are literally stuck together, and now I have the awkwardness of walking around like I’m pigeon toed.  Believe me it’s not as sexy if you weren't born that way.  

Let us move upward to the second sign.  I promise you my neck is starting to look like Kimora Lee Simmons (the baby neck).  I literally feel my skin overlapping and feel like I have to peel it apart.  Do you know how uncomfortable it is to extend your neck in fear that you will choke yourself in your sleep?  In my best Kevin Hart voice “This $**** just got real.” 

Solution to the problem is to get like Fergie... "I be up in the gym, just working on my fitness.”  Although this feels good and totally avoids the typical black killers i.e. diabetes, high blood pressure blah blah blah; she didn’t mention the aftermath in the song.  I didn't think it was so bad at first when my thighs screamed “WHY DO YOU HATE US!?”  I realized how bad it was when they decided to give out in the middle of the street, and I almost ended up on the hood of the taxi cab due to a Charley horse situation.  Then again, that could have been another bad karma situation from my bad driving experiences smh.  I guess no pain no gain…right?

As much as I enjoy 2 glasses minimum wine nights, and the 6 dozen of cookies I possibly ate over the Christmas break.  As much as I love my thighs and neck introducing themselves to the scientific term "lipids".  It’s time to stop this buffoonery.

Wait, before you start throwing out your suggestions.  Let’s not jump to conclusions here.  I’m not going to give up wine.  Maybe I can go red…thank God for Colgate Whitening and Cougar Town.  However, for now; the gym is a great way to start.  Note to self...learning the whole routine to Maniac from Flash Dance in my living room won’t hurt either.  Okay maybe a headband is not needed, but definitely leg warmers.

 Til next time stay tuned….