The Ride Along

 

 

To my new and old followers, I'm a huge fan of  Kevin Hart.  Once again, he accomplished another historical moment breaking box office records on his new movie The Ride Along.  I give it to Ice Cube and Hart because they promoted the hell out of this movie.  The funniest clip I've seen was shown on Conan, which included the three celebrities, catching a cab using the app Ride Share and Lyft.
 

 To earn extra money, I thought about using my personal vehicle as a cab.  I will meet new people and have a PINK MUSTACHE to adorn the front of my car!  With that being said, below are comments my "first class" customers might say, and my responses:

Customer: “Ma'am, are you sure this cab was not used in a Incredible Crash Test Dummies commercial?”

Me:  “Awww, thank you...you’re INCREDIBLE too.  Come on, get in.”

 

 

Customer: “Excuse me, every time you put your foot on the gas, I feel like it's going to be my last day.” 

Me:  “OMG WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT MUCH PRESSURE ON ME!?  LORD JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!!!”

 

Customer:  “Ma'am, the GPS said to head South on Cicero.”

Me: “Huh, oh my bad...I was too busy looking at that new restaurant. Have you tried it?"

Customer: “No, ma'am can you please watch the road.”

Me:  “I'll just YELP  it.  I love YELP! Do you use it?  I use it all the time.  I even have the app, look!”

 

Customer: “Ma’am are you lost? I think you should turn around."

Me:  “Ummm…I think I am lost, but I don't believe in going backwards. 

 

Car Driver Next To Me at the Light:  “Excuse me Miss, the hood of your car is popped open.”

Me:  “Ha Ha Ha Ha...Thank you, I know.  Don't worry about it, she's just smiling.

Customer: (peering over the seat) "What the hell!!??

 

 

Pedestrian:  “You crazy psycho!  This is a cross walk.  You didn't see me?!”

Me:  “Oooo I apologize, please don't bang on my window ma'am...” (Returning conversation to customer)  “Don't worry, I locked the doors.  (Returning conversation to pedestrian) I'm calling the  police! You're scaring my customer!  Step away from my car!”

 

 

Customer:  “Ma'am where do you want me to put the pizza box?”

Me: (looking directly at customer)“Awww man I forgot to throw it out again.  Mannn, if I didn't have a conscious I would tell you to throw it out the window.  I refuse to be a litterbug.  Can you just hold it please?”

Customer:  “Why do you only have the left shoes in the car?”

Me:  “Oh, lol, the right is in here somewhere...between the trunk of my car...or maybe even the hood.  That might explain the reason it won't shut lol."

 

 

Until Next Time #TuneInMiHead